Thursday, 12 May 2016

Why not use quails as currency?

My People, Hello from somewhere. I know there is a lot of curiosity about where I am.


LETTER TO MY PEOPLE BY DOCTOR STOP IT

Some of you are thinking I am in the country, while some of you are suggesting I am outside the country.

Well, this time I am not giving any hints.

I could be in the country or outside the country, but that is none of your business.

I do not owe anybody an explanation. I have a grandson to look after. After my children and I have taken turns to rule you, you just never know who will be given the baton stick to carry on with the legacy of ruling you.

I am sure most of you have no idea that the young president from Togo who officially opened the Trade Fair took over after his father died.
Why not use quails as currency?
It would not have harmed anybody for him to share notes on just how he managed to achieve that, would it?

You see, when legends pass on, their legacies should be taken forward by their children, wives or even grandchildren.

The gossip among you commoners has become too much.

Since my rallies were banned at the instigation of Crocodhakisi and his war veterans, I no longer have a platform for berating you, so I guess I will have to resort to my weekly address using this forum. This will give me time to play with my grandchild and analyse issues as all learned doctors like me should do.

What had Ngwena eaten?

In a recent presentation, I expressed surprise that the supreme leader claimed during his independence address that the Zimbabwean economy had miraculously revived with smoke now billowing from the industrial sites.

Not to be outdone, we had Crocodhakisi making all sorts of interesting claims during an address on International Labour Day.

It is just as well that he addressed a virtually empty Rufaro Stadium, thanks to a few strategic blunders which were made by the organisers in the form of throwing truckloads of spanners in the mobilisation of people.

He said the government would launch a building society which would improve accessibility to housing for low-income earners. Kkkkkkkkkk!

Where will the money come from? Is he not aware of the problems being faced by treasury in terms of paying bonuses, pensions and even salaries? Actually, is he aware that there is no money in the country.

And what will he do about the land barons whom they have failed to control, or is it who?

He also spoke about how strides had been made in improving the welfare of workers, including the right to maternity leave. Kwaaaaa! Cde Dhakisi, in other countries they are talking of paternity leave, which means the husband also goes on leave with his wife during the pregnancy with full benefits.

I am sure a lot of people will have been shocked or amused or a combination of both to hear that 36 years into independence it was time to stop the talk about corruption and to start fighting corruption.

There were further promises of establishing a national health insurance scheme to ensure universal health coverage, both formal and informal schemes!

Of course Prisca made the right noises about government not laying anybody off when the staff audit in the education sector had done exactly just that to teachers who were on legitimate leave.

Really? Purleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze! Is that really possible VaDhakisi?

I am told Cdes Makhosini, Tapiwa, Saviour and Tabeth were in attendance. Mmmmmmmmm. Very interesting developments indeed. Is it because I am away? The other day I read a story attributed to Comrade Saviour in which he said his differences with Dhakisi were the creation of the media. What is happening?

National appeals and review committee? (NDAC)

I hear members of the NDAC have been appointed. Somebody is working overnight to destroy the Grace 40 faction. I do not see enough members of my faction to ensure supporters of Joice and Dhakisi remain suspended.

Mboko has been appointed chairperson but that is a set up for failure. He has no option but to re admit most of those people that were fired.
If he does not, then he would be blamed for further splitting the party after I had already done so. Kkkkkkk! Ayas! I should have been on that committee. Why am I not there? Munopenga! You are crazy!

The line up of members of the committee is very fascinating.

Jacob Mudenda, Douglas Mombeshora, Paul Mangwana, Tambudzani Mohadi, Absalom Sikhosana, Sydney Sekeramayi, Melody Dziva, Sabina Thembani, Ellen Gwaradzimba and Tabitha Kanengoni.

Cash shortages and zvihuta
Once again, we find ourselves facing another serious cash shortage. Well rather, you are the ones who face the cash shortages. I never experience that because that is for common people such as yourselves. Actually, seeing as the only thing that we have in abundance is zvihuta (quail birds), why don’t we use them as a currency. A return trip to town could cost one chihuta while one way trip can cost half chihuta.
A flight to Bulawayo or Kariba on Air Zimbabwe could be a bucket of zvihuta and while we are at it, a friend suggests why not change the national airline to Air Chihuta.
I enjoyed the joke about the Israelites spending 40 years in the wilderness and how at 36 years, we are only left with four years. They ate zvihuta and so are we! Could it be a sign?
Zvihuta zvose kuna Amai!
Your Mother
Dr Amai Ph.D (Fake)
l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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